If your relationship is making you feel scared, uncomfortable, controlled or unhappy, even if sometimes things go well – it could be time to seriously think about whether the relationship is right for you.

Unhealthy relationships may involve control, fear, or disrespect. Look out for these warning signs:

• Controlling behaviour: Another person may be taking over: in conversations, or by making plans or decisions for you, or stopping you seeing other people. They seem more powerful than you.
• Lack of respect: This can be through name-calling, or criticising. If someone is dismissing your opinions, or making you feel that you aren’t important, this is unhealthy in a relationship
• Threats or guilt:.Someone might try and persuade you to stay with them by threatening to harm themselves. They might guilt you into changing your plans to be with them instead. These are not healthy behaviours and are a form of control
• Feeling scared to express yourself Do you change your personality, or feel you need to watch what you say around someone? Feeling scared to be yourself in a relationship is not healthy

Gaslighting is when someone deliberately makes you question your own memory, perception or judgement. They want to confuse you to give themselves power over you.

Relationship abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or the type of relationship they are in. It isn’t always physical—threatening and controlling behaviour is also a form of abuse, even if there are no visible signs. Abuse can be psychological, emotional, sexual, or financial. Other people might not notice, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult. You may have low confidence, feel isolated, or feel dependent on a partner who is abusing you. An abuser may trick you into believing you are the one at fault, or make you question yourself about whether the abuse is real.

Remember, if you’re in danger and need urgent help, call 999 immediately.

An abuser might explain they are doing it out of love or care for you. This is never a reason for harming someone. In Leeds, help is available for anyone experiencing relationship abuse. If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak, press 55 to connect directly with the police.

If you’re unsure about your relationship or need help, contact Leeds Sexual Health or other local support organisations that specialise in young people’s health and well-being.

• Well Wave: Friendly, confidential information and support around sex and relationships for 13 to 24 year olds in Leeds. Plus free condoms, dams and lube, STI and pregnancy testing.
• Childline: free, private and confidential service where you can talk about anything. We’re here for you online, on the phone, anytime.
  • Childline Video
• Brook: Help for abuse
• Behind Closed Doors: Domestic abuse support for people in Leeds
• Leeds Domestic Violence and Abuse: Domestic abuse support for people in Leeds
• Leeds Woman’s Aid: Charity in Leeds supporting women and children
• West Yorkshire Police